I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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