he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I deserve this hangover.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Someone signed my nipple.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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