Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
