I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
