and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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