he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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