I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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