It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
