I showed him my bush... on skype.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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