as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
