he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
