you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
