Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
