My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I booty called her while she was in labor.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
