What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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