they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
