How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
