Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
