her vagine was all disorganized.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Randomize
