Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Randomize
