Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
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