I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
