he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
