Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
