guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
