Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
