we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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