Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
