Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
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