you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
