i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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