She is in my trunk
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
