I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
