1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
