Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Randomize
