How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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