Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
