Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize