At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
