Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize