watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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