My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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