areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
