You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
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