you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
