You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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