Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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