I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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