In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
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