I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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