I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
