if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize