did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
