It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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