she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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