so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I stole a fireplace last night.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
