I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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