Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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