tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
