for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
