My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
