so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
