The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
