One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
