Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
