you didnt know i had herpes?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Randomize
