we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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