I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
