I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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