Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
