i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Someone came in the potted fern
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
