Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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