omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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