Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
