they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
