Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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