somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
