Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
