my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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