yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
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