how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
