Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
