i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
