You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
