I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
