Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Randomize
