I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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