Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
